Monday, October 24, 2016

Story: Blood under the Sun

                The sun rose over the north Texas plains and I knew what I had to do. Fort Worth was a large city, but I would find him. I would find the man who ruined my life. The man who stole my joy. The man who took the life out of my eyes. The man who took away what I loved the most in this world. The man who killed my son, Boomer.
                I spent the day finding out what I could around town. The best information I heard was that he liked to hang out in a bar called the Stockyard Saloon. I walked over to the saloon, and right when I was in sight of the bar I saw him walk inside. I knew I couldn’t go inside and do it in there. There would be too many witnesses. I had to wait.
It was just me and the sun waiting outside together for hours, but the sun eventually started to inch further away from me towards the horizon. The sun was about thirty minutes away from disappearing, and then he appeared: Bevo, the man with the face of a bull. I followed him through the streets of Fort Worth, all the while my rage was building and building. My hand wanted to grab the shotgun on my back so badly, but I knew I had to wait for the right moment.
                He turned down an alley and at this point I realized this was my chance. I wanted to shoot the bastard in the back with everything I had, but I knew I couldn’t stoop to his level the same way he took my son out. I wouldn't let him take my integrity away from me too. I yelled, “Hey Bevo! No guns, just you and me, man against man.” At that instant, Bevo whipped around and drew his revolver and fired the first shot. I dove behind a car and pulled out my shotgun. “Come out, come out,” Bevo hollered firing another shot. “This is only going to hurt a little.” Another bullet whizzed just over my head.
              “That’s three,” I thought to myself. “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. Your son sure didn’t," said Bevo. Another bullet flew by and my rage grew immensely. “He didn’t even see me coming,” Bevo taunted as he fired another shot. My blood boiled and I rose to fire a shot. Right before I pulled the trigger a bullet tore through my left shoulder. I cried out in agony and looked at what remained of my shoulder. I looked up at Bevo and smiled, “That’s six.” The look of pride and arrogance drained from his face and what remained was a look of horror. Sweat dripped from my brow. The pain from my shoulder faded away as I pulled up my shotgun and drew a bead between his eyes. “Boomer,” I said as I squeezed the trigger.
                Looking out over the sun setting over the north Texas plains I can’t help but think my son is watching me. And I hope he knows that I would do anything for him... anything.
"Boomer and Bevo": Source



Author’s notes:  Mahabharata Online: Public Domain Edition:"Arjuna and Karna." In this story I went with a very dramatic Red River Rivalry scenario! The story has more of a one on one battle scene than the both of the warriors meeting in the midst of a war. The reason I chose the one on one battle is because of the Red River game instead of them meeting in the middle of a war like in the original story. To give it a fun and interesting vibe to the story I added a few local locations like the Stockyard Saloon. Which is an awesome place if you have never been there! The idea behind the weapons that Boomer used was modeled off of the Roughnecks' cannons that they fire at every game so the only gun type I could conjure up was a shotgun. Bevo was given the revolver basically because he is from Texas and the revolver is a very “Texas” weapon. I also wanted to tie in the counting of the bullets for the revolver just like when Karna ran out of arrows in his battle in Arjuna. In my opinion in the original story line when Karna brought up the death of Abhimanyu to Arjuna that was the turning point for the battle. That is why I had to incorporate Boomer in the story to give Sooner a true reason to go after Bevo. I wanted to keep the drama of losing a son so I had Sooner be the son of Boomer. I really hope that you enjoyed this story and you got a few laughs out of it! Have a safe and Happy Texas Hate week! BOOMER!

13 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed the way in which you combined a modern day rivalry with one in the Mahabharata. It was very creative the way you did it. You kept with the country/western theme and I appreciate that. You also did a great job at creating suspense in the story. Instead of making it to where Bevo died right away, you made Boomer get hurt which definitely shocked me. Thanks for the good laugh!

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  2. Haha, this is great! BOOMER SOONER! I love the OU pride in this story! The western theme is very cool too. I also like the way you changed Karna's death because of his stuck chariot wheel to because he was reckless and fired all his bullets. Very neat and creative way to rewrite that! I also liked how you emphasized that the loss of his son was what made Boomer really angry because it really helps you relate to Arjuna's loss of his son. Very nice story!

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  3. This was such a fun read. I really like how you incorporated the OU football aspect into your story. This is really different than a lot of the stories I have read today, but that is definitely a good thing. I look forward to reading more of your stories! Your picture was also the perfect representation for this story so great choice. Great work overall!

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  4. Hey Stanton! I think you did a great job incorporating the OU/Texas rivalry in your story. I liked that you gave Boomer a son too, it gave some more gravity to the situation and made it feel more real. Of course Bevo had to die in the end because we beat Texas this year! I think your writing style is very well thought out and I can’t wait to read more!

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  5. Hi Stanton, I read you story and it was really cool how to chose to write it based on the OU/texas rivalry. I think its very interesting that you kept it relevant on what was happening in real life but from the stories in this class. This can also relate to how Arujana lost his son and wanted revenge just like Boomer. It was also interesting how to included the saloon that are in real life, I have personally never been there but it was great of you to include it in the story. Your writing style is very unique and it definitely shows which team you support, of course the Sooners!

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  6. Stanton, this was a very interesting take on the story “Arjuna and Karna.” I really enjoyed reading this story because of the mix of two truly different worlds. I think you did very good job incorporating your obvious distaste for the University of Texas into this Indian epic. I would have liked to see Boomers’ name come up earlier in the story than in the author’s note. I think that may have brought more clarity to the story. This was a fairly well written story less a few missed commas. I was also a bit confused as to why he said “Boomer” before shooting Bevo. I think it is a bit odd for him to say his own name before avenging his son’s death. It may work better for the dads’ name to be Sooner and the son to be named Boomer. My final question is: did anybody say Sooner afterwards? In conclusion, Texas sucks but this story does not. Good work Stan.

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  7. Hi Stanton! I really enjoyed reading your story about the Arjuna and Karna retelling in the OU Texas Rivalry. I actually wrote a story regarding the OU Texas rivalry as well and had a lot of fun doing so. I thought you did a great job with incorporating some of the humor in the story and also did a great job of hating on Texas. I liked how you could tell that you definitely support the Sooners in the rivalry. I would not want to read a story that was biased towards Texas. I think the story could have used a little more detail and length to provide more insight for the reader. The only part of the story I think needs editing is the ending of the story. I found the ending to be slightly confusing and many things tied in at once.

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  8. I love this plot and idea of this story. It's modern twist with our college is brilliant. There were some grammatical errors I wanted to touch on. For the sentence "I spent the day finding out what I could around town." I was unsure of what it really meant. Maybe you just forgot a few words before around town, such as "...information about him around town." Also for "and then he appeared Bevo. " maybe add a comma before Bevo. For "My hand want to grab the shotgun on my back so badly" change it to "My hand wanted to grab the shotgun on my back so bad". All these fixes are just suggestions. Some aren't as important as the others. The story still flowed well, and everything was cleary and understandable. I didn't have to reread any sentence because I was confused. I love the picture you chose to place. I found the story recognizable to the original story, which is great.

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  9. I really enjoyed this story. I thin you did a great job and had a very unique idea that almost anyone here can relate to. The relatable aspect is hard to get through sometimes and you did a great job. I would say expand on the shootout a bit. I can get a little confusing and I think if you expand it and spend more time on it it will help clear things up. Good job!

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  10. Hi Stanton, great story! The story from the Mahabharata that you used was immediately recognizable. You bring such exciting imagery starting with the first sentence that makes the reader want to continue to see where the story will go. The OU/Texas references were great to add in. "The Man with the Bull Face" sounds so real that it could be the name of a villain in a wild west movie. At the same time, it still contained the Texas reference. When the narrator first sees Bevo, you build great suspense with making the narrator wait until the right time to kill Bevo. You mention in the author's note that the reason Arjuna wants to kill Karna is because he brings up the death of his son. I noticed that Bevo doesn't bring up anything about Boomer. Was this on purpose? It would make a great addition to the story and allow the narrator's anger to build if Bevo makes a comment about Boomer.

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  11. This was such a fun story, if a little dark, haha. I like how you turned one of my favorite stories from the Mahabharata into some amazing Texas Hate Week propaganda. I'm actually from DFW so it was fun that you took your liberties with actual locations. Overall, I really enjoyed the atmosphere of suspense and the final, "Boomer." Great job on this story!

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  12. I felt like someone combined the movie "True Grit", the Mahabharata, and the Red River Rivalry. What a creative take on the story! I think that it would really cool if you had all the OU student there cheering the protagonist on? Maybe give him some assistance from the like of Baker Mayfield? Either way, the important thing to remember is that #SaxetSucks.

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  13. I hadn't read any of your portfolio yet and this story immediately caught my eye. I think it was my favorite! I loved that you created a story that ties in the red river rivalry! This was so much fun to read. It flowed very nicely and was so easy to read. I loved every minute, but once I read your author’s note, I picked up on so many things that I didn’t originally notice, such as the choice of weapons having a special meaning. I can tell that you really put a lot of thought into every detail, and it made this transformation awesome! My favorite part was how he counted the bullets the same way that they counted arrows. That was a great way to make sure the stories really tied together. I’m impressed that you were able to make such a lighthearted story out of a battle scene! It turned out really great. Your portfolio looks awesome!

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